An actual letter from a concerned Mom: (edited for anonymity)

Mr. Reese,

My son is a theatre major at a local University.  He's thinking about taking the next semester off and traveling with a touring Children's Theatre group.  Can you tell us more about it?

He started acting in high school his sophomore year and that's all he's really wanted to do since. I found the only way to effectively ground him was to tell him he could only be in one of the two plays each year in high school. Nothing else mattered to him. I feel that the rest of his education is being slighted because of his love for theatre. While home for Thanksgiving, we ran into a theatre friend of his. She said she was doing children's theatre and traveling and my son got very excited. He thinks he isn't learning enough at the University to prepare him for the real world. He is considering dropping out completely. I thought maybe traveling for awhile with the theatre group would help him realize how difficult acting his and he would return to college.

When I took him to orientation last summer, he registered as a communications major. When he went back to school there, he switched his major to theater against my better judgment.  I think he would do great in radio or TV but, he wants live theatre. He wants to hear the audience respond to him.  

As a mother, I don't know which way to guide him.  I hate to see him struggling so hard to make a decision. He seems so very unhappy right now.

My Response:

Hi,

He sounds like a typical college student, sounds like he just needs time to mature. I know it's hard to know what to do, how to advise him as a parent-- but probably the best thing for you to do is to just stay out of the way and let life/theatre handle him. This is what I tell kids in workshops. Theatre has its own way of selecting its participants. He will either get turned on by the whole process and thrive or he'll get bored/frustrated and leave. But he must do all this on his own. The best thing for a parent to do is to just stand back and be supportive of whatever he decides (as long as the decisions are morally/ethically sound). If he makes the right decisions down the road, he needs to know he made them on his own-- if he makes a wrong decision (and he WILL), he must not be able to blame anyone but himself. Over the years I've known many actors who blamed a parent for pushing them into-- or away from theatre. Chances are very slim that he will be involved in professional theatre in 5 years anyway. That's not based on anything you said-- that's just the national statistics.

I know you didn't ask for this, but I offer it to you, from one parent (who has been where your son is) to another.

Now is not the time to doubt your child's decision-making abilities.  His time with you (his parent) is over.  It's time he applied everything he learned from you, it's time he was allowed to "shine."  If he does indeed shine-- great!  If he doesn't, if he makes poor choices, then I'd say he wasn't prepared well enough.  I'm not placing that blame solely on your shoulders-- but you ARE his parents.  I believe parents' responsibilities are two-fold:

1. Protection = See that your child lives to adulthood.
2. Preparation = See that your child acquires the education, skills, morals needed to be a productive adult

Does that seem tough?  Yep, it is.  Successful parenting isn't easy-- but it is rewarding.

As far as his getting real-world experience, he needs to remember that the purpose of his attending college (or acting classes or a conservatory) is to help him develop the skills he will need to get hired and work professionally.  It's so easy for a young actor to get frustrated by his own progress and want to just move to NYC and start hitting the auditions.  The skill of objective self-evaluation does not come easily.  Especially when he's probably had a successful high school career and had countless people raving that he's so talented and encouraging him to try it professionally.  Now (December) is the time for him to start applying for summer theatre auditions. Suggest he attend one of the many regional Unified Auditions (MWTA in St. Louis is a big one. SWTC in Texas, NETC, SETC are others that have 50-75 theatres attending in one place). I'm sure his theatre department has posters up for them already. Summer theatre is a relatively easy way to become entrenched in theatre and also get paid enough to pay the bills while your there.

Again the best advice I can give you is:  stay out of the way and let him make the decisions and live by them.  You just be there for support-- emotionally and financially, if you can (but not TOO much-- he needs to learn responsibility!).  Now's the time for "tough love."

Regards,

Kevin M Reese